Hm, for some reason it feels like i havent blogged in like the longest time. but actually i just didnt blog for ... one day haha
maybe it was because yesterday felt like.. a really long night, and this morning was quite dreadful. yesterday, we went out to Montana's Cookhouse to get some "traditional canadian food" according to my uncle so we dont always have to eat chinese food / home-cooked food. haha It's nice, since my uncle and aunt have gotten here weve gone out for dinner.. everyday haha... yeh so pricey xD It was kinda interestting haha, felt like a translator... wait, i was a translator. nonetheless.. it was still very very fun eating ribs, wings, mashed potatoes and speaking canto in a "white" restaurant.. haha :DD
So, today i went to the annual Teens Conference Appreciation Dinner. Although, technically not really 'annual' for me because it was my first one.. haha but im pretty sure they do it every year lol. anywayyy! App. Dinner was fun, it was good. but not the greatest, i have to admit... for some reason i kinda expected more from it... lol, but then again, how much can you expect from a dinner at a church hosted by asians? = (sigh, so stereotypical) kay. not the point. Well. It was nice to see all of my fellow co captains and friends again. Just when the spiritual high of TC was dying down, theres nothing like an app dinner with all your tc volunteers.. to "hype" it all up again rightt ?? haha... hmm.. yeeeh. pretty much i guess. But it shouldnt be about the hype, cuz yeah, everyday should be a TC spiritual high. Sadly, thats easier said than done. .. ...
After app dinner, i decided i would go to fellowship because i was assuming they wouldnt be done yet and it was a lot easier for me to get a ride home. Plus, Jon... and courtney was going back anyway, so, why not? During this ride in Jon;s car.. so many things.. were going through my mind. It's frustratiing, annoying at times. I dont get it, how come after spending so much time with him, and having him be one of my coaches (which wasnt my idea), why is it still so hard to... be 'friends' with him. Hm, yes, its probably because i still greatly dislike him. Ha, i didnt even think it was possible after spending so much time with him.. but i guess it is. honestly, i tried... but its just not working.. and it feels like the more he tries to talk to me.. or approach me, the more i feel like hes bugging me. If it's one thing that i really really hate, is when people are forcing things instead of letting it come naturally and thats exactly what jon is doing right now. So, even though i pretended to like him, in the end. i guess it just wasnt good enough. As soon as i was done... thinking about that... =/ we got to fellowship. To my surprise, when i got there i saw some of my friends from another church's (TCMC) fellowship i was going to a few weeks back. It was pretty cool. Of course by the time we got there fellowship was already over so we just ended up chilling for a bit. Turned out that my time of -chilling- was spent with my friends from TCMC. and introducing them to Redeemer ppl. we ended up just talking with each other until .. i had to leave. The conversation we had was quite relaxing. haha it was very.. natural to talk to them. Note that, ive only met/seen/talked to them once.
In the car ride home, i was thinking to myself.. how weird it was to talk to people from another church for so incredibly long when i can only talk to ppl from my own church for only like... 5-10 mins? It put a lot of new thoughts into my head to make me think if it was really time to change churches. Afterall, a small change wouldnt hurt much and i get to see how other churches are run too.. It will be sad to leave Redeemer...and if things dont get better, i probably will be better off at another church.. but all those memories with Redeemer.. and starting fresh somewhere else.. is it really worth it...? Im not sure..
I guess, only time can tell. We'll see where God wants to me to go. Afterall... in Jeremiah 29:11, it says: ["For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."] yes, just gotta believe.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
a day well spent!
Wow, what a nice day today, so.. eventful..
Hm, i woke up quite early because my parents were cleaning the house, preparing for my Aunt & Uncle who arrived from Hong Kong in the afternoon... and i had to shower before i left my house today...=/ xD
well, anyway. I left my house and bused down to Kennedy Station to meet up with JL so we can bus to Eatons and meet up with AL and AC. It was quite interesting TTC-ing down there. it passed by a lot faster than i'd expected it would. which is good. cuz it means that the conversation was good... right? right. okkkaayy arha : D
Well, we got down there we were supposed to meet at Old Navy and we just assumed AL and AC werent there yet, and for some odd reason we thought Old Navy was outside... so we decided to walk out to Dundas. It only took us 5 mins to realize "wait... Old Navy is INSIDE," -epic.fail- so we went back inside to Old Navy, and only waited for like... 2 minutes until AL and AC showed up. haa. It was nice because i havent seen AL in um, lol.. 2 weeks xD but yeah. it was still pretty cool. haha
After a while of standing outside of Old Navy, We'd decided we'd actually walk around Eatons...(whoa really?) hah yesh. but that slowly failed because both me and AL was at Eatons the day before and didnt really feel like shopping.. so, we ended up taking a short walk downtown... i think we went in some sort of circle... and we ended up taking a seat at Nathan Phillips Square... we were just sitting there talking for about 45 mins. um.. looking at some guy feed birds, talking, and watching JL and AL "bully" each other... it was entertaing.. LOL. After sitting for almost an hour we went to get something to eat. haha, and how conveniently there was like 5 stand of street meat close to where we were sitting and thats what we ate. haha it was good :D We went back to the bench and ate our.. lunch and eventually headed back into Eatons for quick round around Indigo, Disney Store, and Aldo's accessories before i had to leave to TTC back to school.. for Jazz.. haha
I didnt get lost.. Although, the ride back by myself felt like it would never end.. haha. Still, i somehow ended up at school on time.. yay? By the time i finished changing for the concert and all that, the bus was finally here. The ride to Massey Hall felt wayyy quicker than it shouldve. I think the bus driver was speeding like crazy though.. HAH. We got down to Massey Hall and realized we were 10 mins early for the Restaurant reservations at Frans . so we waited outside.. lol, Finally we got into the restaurant WITH our instruments.. sat down and ordered..lol the food was not that bad, pretty good actually. haha its always fun to eat with ppl you dont usually eat with just to see what they ordered. lol. what i found rly funny was that CT ordered a FULL RACK OF RIBS.... so hardcore xD Hm, we ate with our principal and his superintendent which was quite awkward... but yea, they and the teachers had their own conversation anyway. lol. It was time to go, and our principal actually treated all of us to dinner... (oh man! so priceyyy) that was really nice of him. haha
The actual performance at Massey Hall was pretty awesome. The acoustics were amazing! and it felt nice to play loud in such a big Hall. haha. It was fun not only cuz we got to accompany a mass choir and got to play loud, but because i'll probably never be pro enough to play at that Hall again. :D
I came home and my mom, uncle and aunt picked me up from school and went to T&T for some late night shopping haha. Kinda sad that i didnt spend that much time with them yet and i probably wont have that much time to spend with them cuz i still have school and they'll most likely be travelling around. Still, it was nice to see them again after so long.
Even though it was a lot of busing up and down and up and down again and also really really energy draining.. It was a totally uber awesome day. haha : D
Hm, i woke up quite early because my parents were cleaning the house, preparing for my Aunt & Uncle who arrived from Hong Kong in the afternoon... and i had to shower before i left my house today...=/ xD
well, anyway. I left my house and bused down to Kennedy Station to meet up with JL so we can bus to Eatons and meet up with AL and AC. It was quite interesting TTC-ing down there. it passed by a lot faster than i'd expected it would. which is good. cuz it means that the conversation was good... right? right. okkkaayy arha : D
Well, we got down there we were supposed to meet at Old Navy and we just assumed AL and AC werent there yet, and for some odd reason we thought Old Navy was outside... so we decided to walk out to Dundas. It only took us 5 mins to realize "wait... Old Navy is INSIDE," -epic.fail- so we went back inside to Old Navy, and only waited for like... 2 minutes until AL and AC showed up. haa. It was nice because i havent seen AL in um, lol.. 2 weeks xD but yeah. it was still pretty cool. haha
After a while of standing outside of Old Navy, We'd decided we'd actually walk around Eatons...(whoa really?) hah yesh. but that slowly failed because both me and AL was at Eatons the day before and didnt really feel like shopping.. so, we ended up taking a short walk downtown... i think we went in some sort of circle... and we ended up taking a seat at Nathan Phillips Square... we were just sitting there talking for about 45 mins. um.. looking at some guy feed birds, talking, and watching JL and AL "bully" each other... it was entertaing.. LOL. After sitting for almost an hour we went to get something to eat. haha, and how conveniently there was like 5 stand of street meat close to where we were sitting and thats what we ate. haha it was good :D We went back to the bench and ate our.. lunch and eventually headed back into Eatons for quick round around Indigo, Disney Store, and Aldo's accessories before i had to leave to TTC back to school.. for Jazz.. haha
I didnt get lost.. Although, the ride back by myself felt like it would never end.. haha. Still, i somehow ended up at school on time.. yay? By the time i finished changing for the concert and all that, the bus was finally here. The ride to Massey Hall felt wayyy quicker than it shouldve. I think the bus driver was speeding like crazy though.. HAH. We got down to Massey Hall and realized we were 10 mins early for the Restaurant reservations at Frans . so we waited outside.. lol, Finally we got into the restaurant WITH our instruments.. sat down and ordered..lol the food was not that bad, pretty good actually. haha its always fun to eat with ppl you dont usually eat with just to see what they ordered. lol. what i found rly funny was that CT ordered a FULL RACK OF RIBS.... so hardcore xD Hm, we ate with our principal and his superintendent which was quite awkward... but yea, they and the teachers had their own conversation anyway. lol. It was time to go, and our principal actually treated all of us to dinner... (oh man! so priceyyy) that was really nice of him. haha
The actual performance at Massey Hall was pretty awesome. The acoustics were amazing! and it felt nice to play loud in such a big Hall. haha. It was fun not only cuz we got to accompany a mass choir and got to play loud, but because i'll probably never be pro enough to play at that Hall again. :D
I came home and my mom, uncle and aunt picked me up from school and went to T&T for some late night shopping haha. Kinda sad that i didnt spend that much time with them yet and i probably wont have that much time to spend with them cuz i still have school and they'll most likely be travelling around. Still, it was nice to see them again after so long.
Even though it was a lot of busing up and down and up and down again and also really really energy draining.. It was a totally uber awesome day. haha : D
Sunday, March 29, 2009
blehh!
aw, such a gloomy day today.. kinda felt liike... eeyore. xD you know, with the rain cloud following him everywhere. lol
hm, sundays are like.. the worst day of my week. I know its supposed to be nice with all the church friends and all that. but well, its tiring. lol. not only because i stay up late on saturday nights, and its not only because i kno the next day i have to wake up for school (although, those are parts of the reason) but its because... honestly, i hate to say this, but now... church is just boring. im soo.. confused.. and really, i have to admit. its because of the people there. i dont think i just say names in specific... but looking around the congregation yesterday at fellowship and this morning.. everyone has their own little group and... i dont even belong anywhere.. all the conversations i had were just... bland. theres nothing special to it.. i couldve had the same conversations with like... some other person on the street. i just feel like i doesnt even matter if im there or not anymore.
see, thats what i hate about being part of such a small church. everyone knows everything, and if they dont.. they will at least know something is not right. and seriously.. i dont think thats whats supposed to be happening in a church community. we all like the avoid the awkward silences but, why try avoiding it? it just comes back again. I just realized how hard it is to make something that is awkward back to normal. you know, its quite impossible, or at least it seems like it. I regret some of the things i did. of course, but too late now.. its not like i can take it back. I wish i could enjoy going to Redeemer now like i used to. perhaps its just me who has changed.. but whatever the reason... i really really dont enjoy being there now. I wish i knew what the exact problem is... at least then i would know kinda how to start/attempt to fix the problem. but, ierno what the problem is. It really erks me because i dont like pretending like i want to be there when i really dont. and i feel bad. ahh. but where else would i go. I feel so spiritually weak right now ><. and it sucks. cuz i dont know what i can about it. even the people who i think are my close friends at church dont seem like they want to kno about what's going on in my church life neway. so why should i tell them. and the ones that might actually care are all in university. so, why bother them.
Hopefully something will come up, and make all this better. i really dont know what i can do anymore.... patience..-sigh- trying so hard to be patient. but ugh! atm, its so frustrating!
hm, sundays are like.. the worst day of my week. I know its supposed to be nice with all the church friends and all that. but well, its tiring. lol. not only because i stay up late on saturday nights, and its not only because i kno the next day i have to wake up for school (although, those are parts of the reason) but its because... honestly, i hate to say this, but now... church is just boring. im soo.. confused.. and really, i have to admit. its because of the people there. i dont think i just say names in specific... but looking around the congregation yesterday at fellowship and this morning.. everyone has their own little group and... i dont even belong anywhere.. all the conversations i had were just... bland. theres nothing special to it.. i couldve had the same conversations with like... some other person on the street. i just feel like i doesnt even matter if im there or not anymore.
see, thats what i hate about being part of such a small church. everyone knows everything, and if they dont.. they will at least know something is not right. and seriously.. i dont think thats whats supposed to be happening in a church community. we all like the avoid the awkward silences but, why try avoiding it? it just comes back again. I just realized how hard it is to make something that is awkward back to normal. you know, its quite impossible, or at least it seems like it. I regret some of the things i did. of course, but too late now.. its not like i can take it back. I wish i could enjoy going to Redeemer now like i used to. perhaps its just me who has changed.. but whatever the reason... i really really dont enjoy being there now. I wish i knew what the exact problem is... at least then i would know kinda how to start/attempt to fix the problem. but, ierno what the problem is. It really erks me because i dont like pretending like i want to be there when i really dont. and i feel bad. ahh. but where else would i go. I feel so spiritually weak right now ><. and it sucks. cuz i dont know what i can about it. even the people who i think are my close friends at church dont seem like they want to kno about what's going on in my church life neway. so why should i tell them. and the ones that might actually care are all in university. so, why bother them.
Hopefully something will come up, and make all this better. i really dont know what i can do anymore.... patience..-sigh- trying so hard to be patient. but ugh! atm, its so frustrating!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
best to worst to even more..worse..
okay so, today.. when i woke up it felt like. it was the best day of my life. why? because just the night before i got an e-mail from gor. no.. it was not just any ordinary e-mail. I guess you guys wouldnt understand. all thats important is that... it made me really really...happy. :D then my day started to go downhill during lunch when i had to cram information for two subjects within 45 mins. and without breakfast and lunch.. which was. no good =( on top of that i had a huge headache. which made it even worse. Well, the day went on and in the evening there was the concert with elmer iselers. which, i have to admit.. was totally awesome! so, concert ended and went home.. ate dinner.. and all that .. blah blah blah.. went on my comp to check my e-mail. and... nothing from gor. which was.... quite, disappointing. I've been looking forward to that e-mail... the whole day, was kinda counting on it to make my day again.
Well, thinking that i still have time to study for my stupid french test, i decided to go on gor's facebook page.. and just scanned through it. but when i looked at that little box under the profile thing.... i read something that stunned me for like.... 5 whole minutes. swear i probably stopped breathing for a few seconds and just.. didnt move. damn. i dont even want to type out what it said. hopefully... what im thinking, in my mind its not true. argh i dont know. perhaps im thinking too much. For a slight moment i didnt know how i should react to that... or should i even react to it at all. To keep this simple..... it was an interesting 'surprise' that i wish i didnt have to see. but then again... a part of me is happy too..... wth, i just totally contradicted myself.
well... after going on gor's fb page. i kinda dont want to do anything else anymore.. cept, go and cry myself to sleep... yah. im going emo =. no... i dont kno. dang!! >:( i just want to talk to him again... i thought things were fixed. but now, im not sure.. This really sucks. cuz now, thats probably all im gonna be thinking about =(
Well, thinking that i still have time to study for my stupid french test, i decided to go on gor's facebook page.. and just scanned through it. but when i looked at that little box under the profile thing.... i read something that stunned me for like.... 5 whole minutes. swear i probably stopped breathing for a few seconds and just.. didnt move. damn. i dont even want to type out what it said. hopefully... what im thinking, in my mind its not true. argh i dont know. perhaps im thinking too much. For a slight moment i didnt know how i should react to that... or should i even react to it at all. To keep this simple..... it was an interesting 'surprise' that i wish i didnt have to see. but then again... a part of me is happy too..... wth, i just totally contradicted myself.
well... after going on gor's fb page. i kinda dont want to do anything else anymore.. cept, go and cry myself to sleep... yah. im going emo =. no... i dont kno. dang!! >:( i just want to talk to him again... i thought things were fixed. but now, im not sure.. This really sucks. cuz now, thats probably all im gonna be thinking about =(
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
first blogg...
okars. i finally get to blog. haa i havent blogged for a really really long time now.
last time i tried blogging... it only lasted like one year.. which in my opinion for an online blog is quite fail ha.. thats why i just stuck to.. normal journaling- a notebook and pen : ). well thanks to KL. i started doing this.. blog thing xD
well, anyway! i guess i should share bout TC. haha i know its been a week now but still, it's ok:) actually... i dont really know how to explain how tc was. it was amazing? um, awesome? no, it was definately beyond all those.. but honestly. you just have to be there to understand what im talking bout. lol. Captaining was the bestest experience everr!! i regret not captaining for sr. because participating in sr. was not as great as i expected it... or, maybe it's just cuz i had an AWESOME TEAM for junior... lol.. hm... i guess turned out i didnt have much to say bout tc =/ For all those ppl who didnt go this year. you should go next year ! and if yur too old... welll er, idk... LOL xD (sorries)
my day was quite normal ... i guess.. haha school is pretty much the same thing everyday anyway. hahah. After volunteering at SAM, i decided to go to stc, to find something for -soup-but then... that turned out to be kinda fail, and i just got timbits for myself =( sigh. (they were really good though) haha. well, after that, i went home.. and for some reason i decided i would go on the computer and check my e-mail.. -something i never do until like.. after dinner- and surprisingly.. i had like 30. i was like... = HOMGG~ well. not all 30 of those e-mails were junk/facebook. most of them were. but there was this one that was from someone... that i didnt expect to get an e-mail from. but when i saw it. it made me really happy.. haha. i sound like a little kid. xD but that e-mail totally made my day : DDD
tomorrow will be an interesting day, let's see what's going to happen . . . .
last time i tried blogging... it only lasted like one year.. which in my opinion for an online blog is quite fail ha.. thats why i just stuck to.. normal journaling- a notebook and pen : ). well thanks to KL. i started doing this.. blog thing xD
well, anyway! i guess i should share bout TC. haha i know its been a week now but still, it's ok:) actually... i dont really know how to explain how tc was. it was amazing? um, awesome? no, it was definately beyond all those.. but honestly. you just have to be there to understand what im talking bout. lol. Captaining was the bestest experience everr!! i regret not captaining for sr. because participating in sr. was not as great as i expected it... or, maybe it's just cuz i had an AWESOME TEAM for junior... lol.. hm... i guess turned out i didnt have much to say bout tc =/ For all those ppl who didnt go this year. you should go next year ! and if yur too old... welll er, idk... LOL xD (sorries)
my day was quite normal ... i guess.. haha school is pretty much the same thing everyday anyway. hahah. After volunteering at SAM, i decided to go to stc, to find something for -soup-but then... that turned out to be kinda fail, and i just got timbits for myself =( sigh. (they were really good though) haha. well, after that, i went home.. and for some reason i decided i would go on the computer and check my e-mail.. -something i never do until like.. after dinner- and surprisingly.. i had like 30. i was like... = HOMGG~ well. not all 30 of those e-mails were junk/facebook. most of them were. but there was this one that was from someone... that i didnt expect to get an e-mail from. but when i saw it. it made me really happy.. haha. i sound like a little kid. xD but that e-mail totally made my day : DDD
tomorrow will be an interesting day, let's see what's going to happen . . . .
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