awshum day~

< sooo, i realized i have not blogged for a really really long time now. due to all the consecutive nights of working on summatives, it was close to impossible to find some time to blog and still be awake the next day. now, i usually dont really like blogging bout everything of my day cuz.. its just ..for sake of conversation "pretty normal" like, most ppl blog bout their days anyway... its got to be something special right? Well, for some ppl after reading this, they might be like.. wth? who cares.. buh for me, i thought it was pretty awesome. so im gonna blog bouts it.. yay~
it actually started out pretty normal, waking up on a saturday to go to chinese school... I was thinking, another week of school, and its school.. how fun could it be right? but as the school hours went on, it was actually pretty fun, we basically spent the whole class playing a game while studying for our exam next yr.. oh! and i payed attention. lol. (I probably spent like 5 classes throughout the whole year paying attention but yet still manage to pull off an 85) well, class was over and was picked up by my mom.. i decided to go to stc today because it was Old Navy's $1 flip flop sale. So we drove over to stc, my mom decided to park at Sears cuz parking at the theatres would be too crazy. So we got off and walked through sears... and we walked through the dresses. I saw one that looked okay.. i was browsing cuz i needed one neway for weddings in summer. my mom came over and was like.. wowww. these dresses are soo nice.. kept browsing.. next thing i know.. my mom pulls like 6 dresses out and tells me to try them on. Now, if you know me.. i AM NOT the type of girl that tries on 6 DRESSES at once. but i did anyway ><>
after that, we walked over to Old Navy to buy flip flops... i saw the line and i was ike... uh this is weird, how come theres like.. no body? i walked over to the place where the flip flops were supposed to be, and to my disappointment they were ALL SOLD OUT.. sad. shudbe known...>girls and their shopping habits >
>->here comes the awesomest part!! As i was walking through the food court i saw SOUP!.. yesss! at far i didnt believe it but as he came closer i realized it was him. For the LOONGESSTT time ever, i was wondering to myself.. what would i do if i saw him in public... I kinda just stood there and waved and hoped he saw me cuz he was looking down.. and yay! he saw me... i think i wud have totally shunned myself in a corner if he walked by. But he didntt hahaha yay!! K so, he saw me and he gave me a huggg... yayya! and obviously i hugged him back : DD, and then we had a short convo.. it went something like this:
P:hey, here by yourself?
S:oh.. no, im here with my mom
P:ohh, icc. yahh.
S: are you here by yourself too?
P:um, yah, just picking up some stuff... hahah
S; Hmm.. ic *slaps him on forehead*
P:*slaps backk* kay, i'll see around then
S: alritee.. byebye..
and we just walked off.. we were going diff directions.. ahhh.. that just made my day, i would have never expected to see him there, otherwisee i wouldbe dressed up nicer.. lol, instead of t-shirt, shorts and flipflops.. yah. lil embarassing but still cool.... hahah, omgshhh yaya ^^!!
yah, then after that my whole day was also pretty cool.. went home, practiced some guitar (that i just bought yesterdayyy: D) and msned a bit. then i went to felly. and we made our own pretzels from homemade dough, it tasted really good actually : DD ..
ahhhh!, i couldnt have asked for a better day. I can sleep with a smile on my face tonight :)

good enough.

Today was a pretty long day, and ive been basically preparing myself for the past week and espeicially today, for tonight's aci spring concert! There was only ONE reason.. wait.. one GOOD reason, why i was looking forward to this night: after almost 11 months i finally get to see soup again ^^. As i came up on stage for my first performance of the night, i scanned the audience and maybe i just didnt see him, slowly, i began to doubt if he took back on his words and didnt come. As i finished that performance, i left the music rooms and walked into the audience and sat in the balcony. To my surprise while scanning the audience from the back. Soup was there! It was pretty much the happiest moment in my day, and i instantly started partially freaking out b/c i didnt kno how to react from all the.. craziness! I eventually had the guts to walk down to where he was sitting and sit 2 seats away from him (the 2 seats were taken). i waved and he waved back, and smiled. hahah. I think i probably died then :D
So, the night continued on, and my next performance wasnt until after intermission. I sneaked in a bit of my warm up time so i can actually talk to him say hi and whatever.. to other ppl i invited too ofc. But it was already 9 and it looked like soup was gonna go because he had somewhere to go to. I tried as hard as i can to not sound desperate to make him stay. afterall, inviting him to come was the only thing that wouldve made my day totally awesome even if i screwed up.. or something. Sadly, i quickly had to go back and i didnt get a chance to say bye to him or hug him before he left. (he left when i was warming up on stage)
So, i went to my performance after intermission, and when i looked to where Soup was supposed sitting / standing..., i saw him get up, and leave the aud. I was soo sad, it kinda felt like it didnt even matter if i did a good job for the rest of the concert or not. Ofc, performance after performance after that, i was looking for him but still no luck. I thought hed come back, but i guess not. Well, seeing him again was enough to put a smile on my face :) -sigh- so much for getting over someone. Feelings just cant be forced... cant force them to go away, as much as you might want them to, its harder than you think. It's always the little things of that person that remind you why you love them so much.. haha. ^^. It;s been fun/interesting/tiring all at the same time. only partially worth it but more than anything i couldve expected (audience wise). No one can tell what's gonna happen in the future, so all i can do is leave the rest to God :) "que sera sera"-whatever will be, will be-

pressure's on!

lol, well.. actually not THAT much pressure. but enough for me to be nervous for most concerts lol. It's gonna be a fun night tmr. (hopefully) and i hope i dont screw up, or else.. i might like totally go emo.. lol oh mann! : D

ew to descision making!

i think im slowly getting lazier and lazier and summatives time is coming up. espeicially with so much music stuff to practice for and things to .. accomplish before um.. this year i guess? LOL. and most of it is from "partying" and staying up late, causing me to not want to wake up in the morning and go to school. haha. theres always the tempted feeling to skip class too.. =/

so yesterday was like, an epic waste of a planned day? kinda? lol... something close to that but not really.. kay anyway! macbeth was quite... bleh~~! at least i didnt fall asleep this time haha. Kay after that was done we(jL, SL,and i) went to meet (jL, aL, n?, and aj) and we just chilled downtown and killed so much time before finally decided we would walk to the closest baskin robbins to get the 31cent-deal .. it wasnt long before sL and i decided to head back up town cuz it was getting late, and she had to go back home.. haha so i was like.. meh, might as well... and we also wanted our 31cent ice cream... so STC would be the perfect place.. no long line.. *or so we thought:* we got there... saw the line.. and was like... "yeeeeaahh.. lets just go to.. yogen fruz/laura secord" , and i said, "oh, i have spc.. for laura secordd".... "okay, lets go there" hahah. so she went to buy her $3 ice cream.. without lining up for 1 1/2 hours. haha : D. She eventually left me at stc with nothing much to do until ppl from felly got there... i called them up and told them that the line up was uber long so i was being nice and started lining up for them. to make a long story short - the 1 1/2 hrs standing in that line by myself was the worst 1 1/2 hours of my whole entire life!! so complicated! so boring! and so... ohidogh! (whatever that means=/) well, after 1 1/2hrs i got my double scoop of citrus twist and choc. chip cookie dough. *mmm* ^^.

that night while i was recalling the events that happened throughout the day, a conversation i had with sL on the subway back kinda struck me. it was about asking soup to come to the ACI spring concert.... We came to a conclusion that if i invited soup she would invite BLM. at that moment it was like.... OKAY!! LETS DO IT! . but now its like.... "ahh... !!" Of course, no doubt i want him to come... but asking him is the hard part. how am i gonna ask him? i havent seen him in so long... sigh, and as cheesy/soft/girly/love-dovey/"so-not-me" as this next part might sound... i really really miss him =( and i really want him to come. im actually quite scared of asking him... mostly, scared of.. rejection? like.. what if he.. says no. or like what if he sounds... hesitant to come.. -sadface- it's come to a point now where... i dont even kno how to start up a good convo anymore, and im so bad with words. i will be uber sad face if hes not able to make it, cuz ierno what else i can do nemore.. everyone else coming wont even matter as much as soup coming.. Despite all these...'complications' i kinda promised sL i would ask, so im gonna ask him.. tomorrow... oh man!!!

short&simple.

today was an uber long day.
-spent 12 hours partying at a friends house
-signed a massive card
-watched friend open our epic present
-worshiped
-met new people
-played intense truth or dare
-played failed frisbee
-came home uber late.
yea... that pretty sums up everything that i did today. its 2am, and i really should be sleeping. very very tired, but still blogging just for the .. sake of it? and because it wouldve taken up way too much time to type out everything in details.. so. G'NIGHTS !

oh mann~ i just realized that i have not blogged online .. for the past.. however many days. No, actually, that was a partial lie.. i DID realize... i just didnt know that it was for so long.. haha. wow. lammee.. =.=

Anyhow.. HMMS... the past few months have been quite UN-eventful/boring/slow-paced.. ofc, there are definately the few days where i go out, have fun, and blehblehbleh.. no not literally, but k, i hope you understand what i mean... xD! Generally speaking, my life has been.... very... "repetitive"? you know.. like, the usualy. wake up, school, hwk, sleep, dinner, yeah ? prettyy much right... i guess so. And through looking back at all this.. i can not exactly pinpoint the exact reason to all of this. its just weird... even talking to some of my friends, ive been so lifeless... and ugh. so sad=( im such a horrible friend.. i dont kno how to cheer ppl up when theyre down, at times, i dont know how to continue a conversation, and personally... i hate leaving things like that so open-ended. often times, i want to say something, but i dont kno which words to use, and what to say... and this hasnt happen.. just once. its been quite consistent for the past few months, to ierno... maybe ALL my friends, whether they notice or not...idk, but its noticable to me. : and i apologize to everyone that i might've indirectly ignored, or have been a bit cold to them lately.. well, after thinking to myself and venting towards a few non-living objects... xD i think im better now.. haha. trying to think positive, and look happy, .... : DDDDD !!

hm, but life goes on right. so today was another sunday... today, i was determined to pay attention, and stay awake... in both sunday school and sunday sermon.. but after unconsciously sleeping at 4am the night before, i found that it was quite impossible, sunday school was not too bad... cuz i have people bside to give me that nudge once in a while... and i guess i did have my sugar in the morning..xD However, that did not last long, and as we proceeded to service, i looked at the bulletin and realized i was doing overhead... which also means... i was gonna be sitting in the front, right in front of my pastor.... this was terrible!! As much as i had tried to stay awake, it didnt happen... i was trying to hide behind the computer.. but yea. didnt work out so well... kinda hard to say.. "hope he didnt see me" considering that i was sitting in the front.. xD OH WELLS. so that eventually ended.. and like we usually do at redeemer on the third week, there's bball after.. i dont play with them but sometimes i hang around cuz my mom is at prayer meeting. Today was a bit different though. without having anything planned... i ended up going to lunch with LK, JH, and my pastor... seems pretty normal right? like having lunch with 3 ppl from church... quite normal. but no, not this lunch. it's probably the awkwardest/weirdest group of ppl i could ever ever EVER go with.. because... i guess you can say.. i havent always..."liked" these ppl.. UGH. in my mind on the way going there.. all i was thinking was.. oh man, its gonna be weird.. why did i come... ah, wheres gor.. =(. Upon sitting at the table, there was soo soo soo many awkward silences. and i hope i dont ever ever have to do that again. Not with only the four of us at least.....

Coming home after that it was quite chill.. watched some tv, went on the comp, and realized... "OH CRAP! i think i have an eng assignment due tmr" when this had crossed my mind, i went downstairs pulled out my english binder, looked at the asgnmnt sheet and decided.. nope, i am not gonna finish this by tmr, compromised with my laziness, looked at my comp, and came to the conclusion that im probably gonna skip.. or go early to school and talk to my teacher.. shes usually lenient towards these things..heh. such a slacker... K, after checking some e-mails and what not i was bored and tired and went to take a nap. I later found out that my nap lasted for 4 1/2 hours.. i slept at 6 and woke up at 10 30. actually.. my dad woke me up to tell me to eat dinner. When he woke me up. i was thinking.... WHAT THE HECK? ITS MORNING ALREADY? but. i looked out my window and it was still dark, so i was like.. huh? why did my dad wake me up at the middle of the night. but i looked at my phone, and i was like...=.= its 10 30, i guess i was just SOO tired, and so into my sleep and my bed is so compfy.. that i guess i lost track of time. wow, ive never done tat before.. haha. now i'll probably be up for a while.. or sleep again... since ive been losing so much sleep. xD

yea, i think im gonna do that now... haha. k.bye :D

spontaneously 'planned' adventure day.

so, how shall i start this? kay, anyway. today was such a totally awesome fun day.. haha
First... i woke up at 8 15, realizing i had to shower, and get ready and leave my house within 30 mins for my church;s good friday service. haha, yeahhh. that didnt happen. it was more like... by the time i figured out what i wanted to wear and finished showering it was already 30 mins. and i hear my dad rushing me to leave the house.. yea. we were actually on time for the service. but very very late for when we were supposed to get there.. espeicially when my parents had to help set up.... (oops.) hehe.

service finished exactly at 11:35, and so i decided to go and change and everything for sLO's baptism. and figured by the time i get there it would be around the same time they get there cuz they ttc-ed from stc to finch station.. hahaha. nice. anyway!!. i eventually got there and eventually found them. haha. timing was actually pretty good. xcept for the fact that we spent like 15mins calling and trying to look for eLAM who was already at finch station... -epic fail- once we had everyone together, we bused down to NTCBC for sLO's baptism/lunch. By the time we got there, half the lunch was already gone and most of it was cold. but still, it was good enough considering i didnt eat anything the whole morning.. haha! so, the day continued after that to sLO's baptism.. and the good friday service. i guess i was just too tired to sit thru another service. haha two services in a day is way to intense. haha.

Well, when that was over we (jL, eL, sL, sC, eW, aJ, bH) decided what we wanted to do.. some went home and... went off. hahah me, aJ, and sC decided to stay for a bit and chill until dinner haha.. we decided to go to TCMC because i guess we didnt want to wait for sLO, afterall, we wouldnt be doing anything anyway... haha. we bused to TCMC and sat thru their worship practice and sang along to chill and whatnot. it was quite relaxing haha. so, sharon finally came to meet back up with us... and when the practice ended we decided that we shall go for dinner... it took us a long while before we finally decided to get all you can eat sushi. Sadly, finding a place without a car, with all you can eat sushi on a friday and holiday under $20 was more difficult than i thought it would be.. hahah. So, heres when all the reall craziness begins!.

After sC calling a friend for a place, we made the descision to go to Tenichi at Markham Rd. and Sheppard. and we bused there from McCowan and 401. Fortunately, with all the talking and chilling together, the bus didnt take too long and we arrived at our destination. Before entering this restaurant, we figured. we should probably check the prices before going in.... tunrs out it was wayy over our budget. Partially stranded out at Markham Rd. an Sheppard with transfers that dont work, we had to find another all you can eat sushi place that fit all the requirements. Once again, we had to go thru the whole process and the bus was just a few metres away... and we werent even close to the bus stop.=/ Thankfully, the bus driver stopped in the middle of the road for us and we actually decided on the next place we could go to eat ON the bus ride... which was... Hyakka at Middlefield and Steeles. So, we got off the Sheppard bus at Middlefield and were trying to figure out if we should bus.. or walk to our destination. After a long enough period of time, we finally got on the bus.. hahah yesh! and its a good thing we didnt walk cuz it probably wouldve taken us a while. haha, Anyway. we got to Hyakka, and finally got seated and satisfied with the place.. *PHEWWWW* !

Jap buffet is always good... (well, most of the time) and dinner with friends is always fun. This dinner with this group of friends was totally awesomeee!! ahaha.,, way too much fun over raw food, rice, shrimp, and beef... hahah! I dont think we lasted 3 mins straight without bursting into laughter. and seriously.... i think we were like.. the loudest table there.. but not the biggest. hahah! Todays lesson: While eating at jap buffet...or any place where you might eat excessively... DO NOT drink or eat food while laughing... cuz, this will result in... bleh! bleh! bleh!.. which when translated into normal english means.. puke/barf. hahah yesh. i puked from laughing too hard and drinking coke at the same time... hahah.. BAD BAD BAD ideaa! i think after that, almost everyone was full and almost felt like barfing... hehhe.. well... As we called our last round of food and dessert, we were just chilling and talking and trying not to laugh.. haha. this was almost close to impossibilty .. but no one actually barfed... hahaha!
the day was long and tiring. but in the end all worth it and so much fun. espeicially when fellowshipping with brothers and sisters in Christ:D

So, that was my day in 5 short paragraphs.. haha. in total... i spent... $25 and 1..2...3..4...5.. 6... bus tickets... SIX BUS TICKETS. in one day... thats riDONKulous.. ahah probably like 3 more that was needed if we had everything figured out before hand. Nonetheless this day of spontaneous-nessss and adventure with friends was totally coolll!! haha......

déja vu ... (ish)

Hm, for some reason it feels like i havent blogged in like the longest time. but actually i just didnt blog for ... one day haha
maybe it was because yesterday felt like.. a really long night, and this morning was quite dreadful. yesterday, we went out to Montana's Cookhouse to get some "traditional canadian food" according to my uncle so we dont always have to eat chinese food / home-cooked food. haha It's nice, since my uncle and aunt have gotten here weve gone out for dinner.. everyday haha... yeh so pricey xD It was kinda interestting haha, felt like a translator... wait, i was a translator. nonetheless.. it was still very very fun eating ribs, wings, mashed potatoes and speaking canto in a "white" restaurant.. haha :DD

So, today i went to the annual Teens Conference Appreciation Dinner. Although, technically not really 'annual' for me because it was my first one.. haha but im pretty sure they do it every year lol. anywayyy! App. Dinner was fun, it was good. but not the greatest, i have to admit... for some reason i kinda expected more from it... lol, but then again, how much can you expect from a dinner at a church hosted by asians? = (sigh, so stereotypical) kay. not the point. Well. It was nice to see all of my fellow co captains and friends again. Just when the spiritual high of TC was dying down, theres nothing like an app dinner with all your tc volunteers.. to "hype" it all up again rightt ?? haha... hmm.. yeeeh. pretty much i guess. But it shouldnt be about the hype, cuz yeah, everyday should be a TC spiritual high. Sadly, thats easier said than done. .. ...

After app dinner, i decided i would go to fellowship because i was assuming they wouldnt be done yet and it was a lot easier for me to get a ride home. Plus, Jon... and courtney was going back anyway, so, why not? During this ride in Jon;s car.. so many things.. were going through my mind. It's frustratiing, annoying at times. I dont get it, how come after spending so much time with him, and having him be one of my coaches (which wasnt my idea), why is it still so hard to... be 'friends' with him. Hm, yes, its probably because i still greatly dislike him. Ha, i didnt even think it was possible after spending so much time with him.. but i guess it is. honestly, i tried... but its just not working.. and it feels like the more he tries to talk to me.. or approach me, the more i feel like hes bugging me. If it's one thing that i really really hate, is when people are forcing things instead of letting it come naturally and thats exactly what jon is doing right now. So, even though i pretended to like him, in the end. i guess it just wasnt good enough. As soon as i was done... thinking about that... =/ we got to fellowship. To my surprise, when i got there i saw some of my friends from another church's (TCMC) fellowship i was going to a few weeks back. It was pretty cool. Of course by the time we got there fellowship was already over so we just ended up chilling for a bit. Turned out that my time of -chilling- was spent with my friends from TCMC. and introducing them to Redeemer ppl. we ended up just talking with each other until .. i had to leave. The conversation we had was quite relaxing. haha it was very.. natural to talk to them. Note that, ive only met/seen/talked to them once.

In the car ride home, i was thinking to myself.. how weird it was to talk to people from another church for so incredibly long when i can only talk to ppl from my own church for only like... 5-10 mins? It put a lot of new thoughts into my head to make me think if it was really time to change churches. Afterall, a small change wouldnt hurt much and i get to see how other churches are run too.. It will be sad to leave Redeemer...and if things dont get better, i probably will be better off at another church.. but all those memories with Redeemer.. and starting fresh somewhere else.. is it really worth it...? Im not sure..

I guess, only time can tell. We'll see where God wants to me to go. Afterall... in Jeremiah 29:11, it says: ["For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."] yes, just gotta believe.

a day well spent!

Wow, what a nice day today, so.. eventful..
Hm, i woke up quite early because my parents were cleaning the house, preparing for my Aunt & Uncle who arrived from Hong Kong in the afternoon... and i had to shower before i left my house today...=/ xD
well, anyway. I left my house and bused down to Kennedy Station to meet up with JL so we can bus to Eatons and meet up with AL and AC. It was quite interesting TTC-ing down there. it passed by a lot faster than i'd expected it would. which is good. cuz it means that the conversation was good... right? right. okkkaayy arha : D
Well, we got down there we were supposed to meet at Old Navy and we just assumed AL and AC werent there yet, and for some odd reason we thought Old Navy was outside... so we decided to walk out to Dundas. It only took us 5 mins to realize "wait... Old Navy is INSIDE," -epic.fail- so we went back inside to Old Navy, and only waited for like... 2 minutes until AL and AC showed up. haa. It was nice because i havent seen AL in um, lol.. 2 weeks xD but yeah. it was still pretty cool. haha
After a while of standing outside of Old Navy, We'd decided we'd actually walk around Eatons...(whoa really?) hah yesh. but that slowly failed because both me and AL was at Eatons the day before and didnt really feel like shopping.. so, we ended up taking a short walk downtown... i think we went in some sort of circle... and we ended up taking a seat at Nathan Phillips Square... we were just sitting there talking for about 45 mins. um.. looking at some guy feed birds, talking, and watching JL and AL "bully" each other... it was entertaing.. LOL. After sitting for almost an hour we went to get something to eat. haha, and how conveniently there was like 5 stand of street meat close to where we were sitting and thats what we ate. haha it was good :D We went back to the bench and ate our.. lunch and eventually headed back into Eatons for quick round around Indigo, Disney Store, and Aldo's accessories before i had to leave to TTC back to school.. for Jazz.. haha

I didnt get lost.. Although, the ride back by myself felt like it would never end.. haha. Still, i somehow ended up at school on time.. yay? By the time i finished changing for the concert and all that, the bus was finally here. The ride to Massey Hall felt wayyy quicker than it shouldve. I think the bus driver was speeding like crazy though.. HAH. We got down to Massey Hall and realized we were 10 mins early for the Restaurant reservations at Frans . so we waited outside.. lol, Finally we got into the restaurant WITH our instruments.. sat down and ordered..lol the food was not that bad, pretty good actually. haha its always fun to eat with ppl you dont usually eat with just to see what they ordered. lol. what i found rly funny was that CT ordered a FULL RACK OF RIBS.... so hardcore xD Hm, we ate with our principal and his superintendent which was quite awkward... but yea, they and the teachers had their own conversation anyway. lol. It was time to go, and our principal actually treated all of us to dinner... (oh man! so priceyyy) that was really nice of him. haha

The actual performance at Massey Hall was pretty awesome. The acoustics were amazing! and it felt nice to play loud in such a big Hall. haha. It was fun not only cuz we got to accompany a mass choir and got to play loud, but because i'll probably never be pro enough to play at that Hall again. :D
I came home and my mom, uncle and aunt picked me up from school and went to T&T for some late night shopping haha. Kinda sad that i didnt spend that much time with them yet and i probably wont have that much time to spend with them cuz i still have school and they'll most likely be travelling around. Still, it was nice to see them again after so long.

Even though it was a lot of busing up and down and up and down again and also really really energy draining.. It was a totally uber awesome day. haha : D

blehh!

aw, such a gloomy day today.. kinda felt liike... eeyore. xD you know, with the rain cloud following him everywhere. lol

hm, sundays are like.. the worst day of my week. I know its supposed to be nice with all the church friends and all that. but well, its tiring. lol. not only because i stay up late on saturday nights, and its not only because i kno the next day i have to wake up for school (although, those are parts of the reason) but its because... honestly, i hate to say this, but now... church is just boring. im soo.. confused.. and really, i have to admit. its because of the people there. i dont think i just say names in specific... but looking around the congregation yesterday at fellowship and this morning.. everyone has their own little group and... i dont even belong anywhere.. all the conversations i had were just... bland. theres nothing special to it.. i couldve had the same conversations with like... some other person on the street. i just feel like i doesnt even matter if im there or not anymore.

see, thats what i hate about being part of such a small church. everyone knows everything, and if they dont.. they will at least know something is not right. and seriously.. i dont think thats whats supposed to be happening in a church community. we all like the avoid the awkward silences but, why try avoiding it? it just comes back again. I just realized how hard it is to make something that is awkward back to normal. you know, its quite impossible, or at least it seems like it. I regret some of the things i did. of course, but too late now.. its not like i can take it back. I wish i could enjoy going to Redeemer now like i used to. perhaps its just me who has changed.. but whatever the reason... i really really dont enjoy being there now. I wish i knew what the exact problem is... at least then i would know kinda how to start/attempt to fix the problem. but, ierno what the problem is. It really erks me because i dont like pretending like i want to be there when i really dont. and i feel bad. ahh. but where else would i go. I feel so spiritually weak right now ><. and it sucks. cuz i dont know what i can about it. even the people who i think are my close friends at church dont seem like they want to kno about what's going on in my church life neway. so why should i tell them. and the ones that might actually care are all in university. so, why bother them.

Hopefully something will come up, and make all this better. i really dont know what i can do anymore.... patience..-sigh- trying so hard to be patient. but ugh! atm, its so frustrating!

best to worst to even more..worse..

okay so, today.. when i woke up it felt like. it was the best day of my life. why? because just the night before i got an e-mail from gor. no.. it was not just any ordinary e-mail. I guess you guys wouldnt understand. all thats important is that... it made me really really...happy. :D then my day started to go downhill during lunch when i had to cram information for two subjects within 45 mins. and without breakfast and lunch.. which was. no good =( on top of that i had a huge headache. which made it even worse. Well, the day went on and in the evening there was the concert with elmer iselers. which, i have to admit.. was totally awesome! so, concert ended and went home.. ate dinner.. and all that .. blah blah blah.. went on my comp to check my e-mail. and... nothing from gor. which was.... quite, disappointing. I've been looking forward to that e-mail... the whole day, was kinda counting on it to make my day again.
Well, thinking that i still have time to study for my stupid french test, i decided to go on gor's facebook page.. and just scanned through it. but when i looked at that little box under the profile thing.... i read something that stunned me for like.... 5 whole minutes. swear i probably stopped breathing for a few seconds and just.. didnt move. damn. i dont even want to type out what it said. hopefully... what im thinking, in my mind its not true. argh i dont know. perhaps im thinking too much. For a slight moment i didnt know how i should react to that... or should i even react to it at all. To keep this simple..... it was an interesting 'surprise' that i wish i didnt have to see. but then again... a part of me is happy too..... wth, i just totally contradicted myself.

well... after going on gor's fb page. i kinda dont want to do anything else anymore.. cept, go and cry myself to sleep... yah. im going emo =. no... i dont kno. dang!! >:( i just want to talk to him again... i thought things were fixed. but now, im not sure.. This really sucks. cuz now, thats probably all im gonna be thinking about =(

first blogg...

okars. i finally get to blog. haa i havent blogged for a really really long time now.
last time i tried blogging... it only lasted like one year.. which in my opinion for an online blog is quite fail ha.. thats why i just stuck to.. normal journaling- a notebook and pen : ). well thanks to KL. i started doing this.. blog thing xD

well, anyway! i guess i should share bout TC. haha i know its been a week now but still, it's ok:) actually... i dont really know how to explain how tc was. it was amazing? um, awesome? no, it was definately beyond all those.. but honestly. you just have to be there to understand what im talking bout. lol. Captaining was the bestest experience everr!! i regret not captaining for sr. because participating in sr. was not as great as i expected it... or, maybe it's just cuz i had an AWESOME TEAM for junior... lol.. hm... i guess turned out i didnt have much to say bout tc =/ For all those ppl who didnt go this year. you should go next year ! and if yur too old... welll er, idk... LOL xD (sorries)

my day was quite normal ... i guess.. haha school is pretty much the same thing everyday anyway. hahah. After volunteering at SAM, i decided to go to stc, to find something for -soup-but then... that turned out to be kinda fail, and i just got timbits for myself =( sigh. (they were really good though) haha. well, after that, i went home.. and for some reason i decided i would go on the computer and check my e-mail.. -something i never do until like.. after dinner- and surprisingly.. i had like 30. i was like... = HOMGG~ well. not all 30 of those e-mails were junk/facebook. most of them were. but there was this one that was from someone... that i didnt expect to get an e-mail from. but when i saw it. it made me really happy.. haha. i sound like a little kid. xD but that e-mail totally made my day : DDD

tomorrow will be an interesting day, let's see what's going to happen . . . .